Chapter 36: Smashed

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters in True Blood or the Southern Vampire Mysteries. So neither copyright infringement nor offense is meant. I simply want to make the characters do what I wanted them to do for a while. I am especially “unownerly” when it comes to this story. You will recognize a lot of the dialogue throughout as being quoted from Season 5 of True Blood, though I’ve tried to use Eric’s thoughts to make this story “different” from its source. That said, I claim no ownership to the quoted material and have placed it in bold so that it is set apart from my own words.


When I had drunk fairy blood—Sookie’s fairy godmother’s blood to be precise—I had been lost to myself.

I remembered only snippets of the experience, most of which revolved around Sookie.

The way she’d moved away quickly when I’d pinched her glorious bottom—which I’d been wanting to touch since I’d met her.

The way her hair had glittered in the sunlight.

The way she’d been concerned for my welfare.

But not all other things had been lost to me. When I’d zipped away from her—hoping that she would give chase—I’d had the opportunity to run with a buck, a huge deer with a rack of fourteen points.

A king in the forest.

And a real buck too—not a fucking shifter!

It had been exhilarating.

Then I remembered “learning” that I could fly. I flew as high as I could—until the pressure of the air hurt my body. I’d felt cold, but I’d not sobered. I’d been too busy looking at the stars, each one more beautiful and bright than the next. And—in that brightness—I had craved a brighter star. So I’d dived downward back to earth in order to find Sookie.

I’d landed in a large pond near her home. The water had felt luxuriant—like a thousand fingers tickling me.

And then there had been the sun rising. Beautiful. Warming. Looking back with my memories intact, I realized how much of a blessing it had been to encounter that orb without any memories at all.

I’d not spent a second being afraid or awed.

I’d simply played—played like I was pretty certain I’d never played before.

And then she’d come for me—my goddess.

She’d come to save me from myself before I’d burned in the very sun that I’d been playing in.

Now high on Lilith’s blood, I felt disconnected from Sookie—and myself. Only a little part of me retained any connection to anything other than the swirling world I found myself stumbling through. And that part? My bond with Sookie.

That part imagined itself being wrapped up safely in the red quilt Sookie had used in order to protect my skin from my “play.”

I hoped that it could protect me again.

Taking in Lilith’s blood had been enlivening, but I also felt that it would “kill me”—again—if I let it.

“Fairy blood!” my mind screamed.

But so much more potent than Claudine’s.

The blood itself had tasted like an overripe berry—cloyingly sweet.

The kind of thing certain to lead to indigestion.

Yet I had no control over myself after I took it. Only a tiny speck of my consciousness was retained, wrapped in that red quilt, and it watched my own actions as if it were watching a film.

And judging me.

I was walking through the streets of New Orleans.

More like staggering.36.1

I couldn’t remember why I’d been angry at Nora.

Russell was my best friend.

Bill’s accent was charming.

Rosalyn’s suit was lovely.

Steve Newlin was a great man.

Salome was to be courted—for she was the only one who could provide me with the euphoric feeling I had now.

And me?

I was—as Steve Newlin had said earlier—merely ‘a tree in the wind.’

Happy to be included.’

Nine vampires stumbled down Bourbon Street . . . .

I knew there was a punchline for that opening, but I couldn’t quite get to it.

And then I forgot all about it as I heard a car honking at me and the other vampires reeling down the street.

How fucking dare a human honk at us!

Bill apparently felt the same way I did about the affront. He landed on the car’s windshield like a giant fly. “We will walk where and when we want! These streets are yours no longer,” he yelled.36.2

Damned straight.

I zipped to the driver’s side window.

We should eat you for the disrespect you’ve shown us,” I snarled at the driver, even as I took a whiff of him and was taken aback. He was so unappetizing! “But your heartbeat sounds like shit and your blood smells even worse. But keep your hands off the horn!” I ordered, feeling vindicated.36.3

I even felt chipper enough to offer my king a piggyback ride. After all, Bill was my BFF—right?

Yet, despite his weight, Bill didn’t offer the warmth that I knew a particular red quilt would. But that quilt suddenly felt just out of my reach. I strained to keep hold of a thread of it.

Just a thread.

What was not out of my reach was the frivolity surrounding me—though I also wanted something else. I just didn’t know what.36.4

“What is it I want?” I asked no one in particular.

“To feed!” I heard Rosalyn say, even as I noticed that she was feeling up her own breast.

“To feed on a little kiddie!” Nigel added.

“And to get your cock sucked!” Russell yelled, even as he embraced Steve Newlin.

“To follow, Lilith! To go where she bids!” Nora said with a large smile—one that I almost recognized from times past. I followed that smile.

I followed Nora.

I followed Lilith.

Even as a part of me tried to cling to thoughts of that red quilt.

That thread.

It didn’t occur to me to question why Lilith—in all of her divine glory—decided to lead us to a karaoke bar.

A fucking karaoke bar.

As “You Light up My Life” filled the air, I entered the bar with seven other vampires.

Eight vampires zip into a karaoke bar . . . .36.5

There was a joke there too, but I could quite figure out what the punchline would be for that one either. I didn’t give that much thought, however, as I noticed that the ninth vampire in our group was already on stage.

Russell had been the one singing! A duet.

How wonderful!36.6

I stretched out my arms in anticipation of what awaited me. “Fangtastic!” I muttered and then laughed at my own pun. “I’m punny,” I added, feeling myself swaying on my feet a little.

Wait! I wasn’t swaying. I was dancing. I pulled Nora to me and led her in a short waltz—before noticing that it wasn’t actually Nora in my arms. It was Bill. I tried to grab Nora again, but after a few more steps, I realized that I was dancing with Rosalyn.

Oh well.

“Eat, Brother!” Nora said from behind me. “They are all here for us! All of them! Lilith has given us a feast to reward us for our faithfulness to her!”

I turned around and smiled, though I couldn’t really see my sister clearly. “You’re a blurry.”

“A blurry what?” Nora asked, even as she staggered a bit in return.

“A blurry blur,” I chuckled as I grabbed a lovely overweight woman who smelled like cotton candy.

Something held me back from biting her for a moment—but I couldn’t keep hold of that thing.

My mind fuzzy, I looked at the woman. “I’m the big bad wolf, little piggy,” I chuckled. “And I’m going to eat you.”

She screamed in terror, but the noise was welcome to my ears.

“Nice pearls,” I complimented before tearing into her flesh.

I gorged, and when I felt the woman die, I found another human and gorged again—thankful that Salome had thought to twist a bar around the door handles so that our prey could not escape us.

[Context Reminder: In Bon Temps, Sookie has decided to get rid of her Fae-powers by shooting her light over and over again. She’s trying to burn out her fairy battery—so to speak. Eventually, Jason stops her.]

36.7I couldn’t get full—though I felt as if I might burst if I drank any more. However, I didn’t stop feeding. The blood was mine, and not to take it would mean my true death.


I felt self-loathing jolt through my body. “What?” I muttered, confused over why I would be feeling bad in that moment. I had nothing to feel bad about. I was following God’s will.


“Wait,” I said between sucks. “It’s not me!” I realized with a smile. The feeling was from my bonded.

I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so I drank more heartily.

I was unable to think too much about Sookie. After all, she didn’t belong in the room I was in. She didn’t belong amidst the massacre.

A moment later, I was distracted from my meal again—this time by a bright light on the stage. A spotlight? Was there a new singer?36.9

I noticed that the others of my kind in the room were also looking toward the stage—all of us following the progress of a drop of blood as it made its way to the floor. It was beautiful. It fell into a pool of blood creating concentric ripples.

And from the ripples arose a beautiful, exotic woman—covered in all the blood that we’d spilled in our gluttony.36.8

And then—in the next moment—the blood was gone and the woman screeched wildly. It was primal.

“Lilith,” Salome gasped.

In fact, all of the vampires in the room gasped as Lilith stepped from the stage. The vision—the God—looked at Bill as if judging his worthiness. And then she zeroed in on Nora.36.10

As Lilith walked over to my sister, I felt a small burst of energy. From Lilith? I shook my head in the negative even as I was awed by the vision of the God blowing some kind of red dust onto Nora.

I felt another burst of energy. But, again, something inside of me told me that it wasn’t originating from Lilith.

“Who?” I asked wordlessly—not quite able to come up with the answer.

In the next moment, a burst of power that I knew was from Lilith flowed through the room, shaking the building. And I was compelled to feed again.

Yet those other bursts of energy continued to distract me—as if I were being tapped on the shoulder.

The bursts felt familiar. When had I felt them before?

Another tap.

And then I remembered. My bonded.

In the same moment, I heard a voice I knew as well as my own—my maker’s voice.

He was speaking to me in Swedish, though it was difficult to follow his words until I was struck by more jolts from my and Sookie’s bond.

I stopped feeding and looked up at my maker. Thanks to another jolt of energy, I found myself able to listen to his words. To understand him.36.11

“This is wrong,” he said. “You know this.”

Did I? I felt another burst from Sookie. Was she telling me that it was wrong too?

“But your sister does not,” Godric continued.

His eyes were full of disappointment and understanding. He’d given me the same look when I’d been a young vampire—when I’d killed a human because I’d been unable to control myself.36.12

I felt a particularly strong jolt, and—between that and my maker’s words—I came back to myself, sobering in an instant.

My stomach dropped as I looked around the room and fully took in the blood bath I’d participated in. Lilith was still paying special attention to Nora, looking at her lovingly.

Save her, my son,” Godric commanded.

I heard the blond woman still in my grip take her final breath, even as I was struck by what I no longer saw.


Though Nora continued to look upward, obviously still seeing the apparition, Lilith’s blood no longer had dominion over me.36.13

I stood up and observed Nora, feeling a dread I’d not often felt in my thousand years.

“How?” I asked my maker; however, when I looked back at him, he was gone.

Had he been any more real than Lilith?

I looked back at my sister.36.14

How could I save her from the havoc that had been wrecked that night? From a god? From herself?

I thought of my maker and knew I had to try even as I felt one last burst of energy from my bonded. Had she known that I was in trouble—known that I’d lost myself?

From the lost feeling I was getting from her, I doubted it. But I was thankful to her nonetheless. Without those bolts of energy from her, would I have even seen my maker?

Would I have even cared if I did?

I was glad I hadn’t needed to find out.

A/N: This scene was hard to write. I generally try to portray Eric as not killing indiscriminately. I think that he loves to battle (and kill) enemies, but I have never seen him as someone who just kills for fun (like we see Bill and Lorena doing in some of their flashbacks). Not even CH portrayed him that way. On True Blood, his portrayal is darker in many ways (I think because AB wanted viewers to think of him as the villain). Ironically, Bill’s actions-even in this scene-seem more brutal. Eric and Bill both have crises of conscience during this season, and Eric-I think-proves to be “better”-even though some of his actions are very questionable (as are his motives). In the end, however, I see Eric as being practical-and pretty “moral” in his own way. Maybe my glasses are rose-colored when it comes to Eric, however, because he’s my romantic lead and I don’t want him to be “bad.” Anyway, to me, the karaoke bar is all about the taking of control. The way that each of the vampires reacts to that loss of self-control is telling.

Of course, Godric comes in and helps Eric get out of his drunken haze, but even Godric points out that Eric already knows that what’s going on isn’t “right.” I also wanted to add the idea that Sookie shooting off her light multiple times has some kind of effect on Eric’s situation.

Anyway-I hope you liked the chapter.



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Eric Notman









Steve Newlin






10 thoughts on “Chapter 36: Smashed

  1. Love the reference to the red quilt it’s almost like a totem to Eric.
    As for having rose coloured glasses when it comes to Eric don’t we all! Eric snaps out of unlike Bill however and acknowledges that they were high. Bill remained unapologetic to the bitter end.

  2. loved this chapter, i loved it when Godric still played a part in Eric’s life. and how you segued that Sookie’s light was lighting his mind back up was a great tie in with her trying to lose it. love your musings and i will follow them to the end. KY

  3. Ditto to what Maith said –Eric does have a core morality –taught by Godric and probably by his parents when he was human –that Bill does not have. He snaps out of it faster and he realizes the source of Lillith’s blood —

  4. You did an awesome work with this chapter!
    I really liked the comparison between the two times we saw Eric “drunk”
    when he drained Claudine and when he drank Lillith’s blood…
    Loved how you made Eric “feel” Sookie’s inner battle to shoot all her light away!
    Did anyone notice how the girl that Eric was feasting on looked like Sookie in S2 (when she went to Dallas)
    they have the same hairdo and dress (different color though)!
    I think AB did that on purpose!

  5. I don’t think we have rose colored glasses on, Eric was never portrayed as evil except when Bill described him. Love the thoughts of Eric trying to hold onto the red blanket and him feeling jolts from Sookie!

  6. You handled that incredibly awkward (and I think kinda horrible) scene so well. I think Eric made some bad decisions in the books and TB but he was never inheritently “evil” as Bill made him out to be.
    I agree with you and the other ladies, that he had a core morality that coloured any of his decisions and I think that shows most of the time. Oh he made mistakes but at least he owned them, unlike DoucheBill who blamed anybody but himself!
    The red quilt was a nice way of wrapping him in a form of mind protection. I think, to Eric, it protected him from totally losing that inner core that told him what was happening was wrong.
    I liked how you used Sookie’s light show to “poke” Eric and to bring him out of his Lillith induced haze. Godric helped of course 😉
    Wonderful, as usual.

  7. Ooh yes. Those light blasts would have felt like power blasts in the bond. Never thought of that. Love that, in a roundabout way, sookie saved Eric from his psychotropic insanity.

    I remember you saying you were nervous about this chapter, but I loved the way you did it. The walk into insanity. Brilliantly done!

  8. Love your additions esp Eric reminiscing about amnesia days….
    But I did hate this episode of TB … It was violence and gore for shock value and the story never paid off with any interesting plots… If you stopped being shocked and disgusted, there wasn’t much of substance there… Lilith was never truly developed… And the whole Bilith thing… Eyeroll… Anyway, I trust you’ll deal with that idiot in good time….

  9. OH I think Eric does have his own moral code – he adapts it to suit but it’s definitely there. I like to think Godric appearing was his conscience but his bond with Sookie pulling at him works for me too. I like the symbolism of the quilt!

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