Chapter 35: In a Nightmare

A/N:  For the sake of full disclosure, I’ll remind you that Sookie’s first dream described below actually took place before she took Bill’s blood for the first time on the show; I have “revised history” so that the dream occurs after the first blood transfer between them.  I hope I don’t offend you by changing things.  It may be hard to believe after you read this, but I don’t completely hate Bill (I just prefer Eric and Sookie).  However, since I’m writing an Eric/Sookie story, and since the dreams are an important part of that, I’m taking some artistic license here to create more drama.  Again, this is my interpretation of how the story would go if I were in charge, so when I add to or change something, I’m doing it in the spirit of that.  I have changed the tone of the second dream about Bill too―though just a bit―again, to work better with my overall story.  I also added another dream about Bill―the fourth one here―that Sookie never had on the show, which, again, I’m doing for the sake of my narrative.  Finally, the fourth season dream Sookie had, where she told both vampires that she loved them and where they both ended up biting her, annoyed me more than I can even talk about, so I have changed that one too, again just to make the tone of it fit better with my story, but I won’t be getting into this last dream until the next chapter.  I hope you enjoy despite the alterations and additions (or because of them.)  🙂

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When Sookie started talking, she didn’t begin where Jesus thought she would.  Instead, she said, “You never got to meet my Gran.”

Jesus shook his head.  “No, I didn’t.”

“Well, she was amazing―the best person that I have ever met, in fact.”  Sookie smiled.  “She loved the Beatles and absolutely adored John Lennon.  I think that she had a huge crush on him, actually.”  She chuckled, “She didn’t, on the other hand, like Yoko Ono.  I think she was a bit jealous of her.”

“Really?” Jesus asked, wondering where Sookie was going with this.

Sookie nodded.  “When I was little, I used to get horrible nightmares.  Actually, I think that it was my brain just tryin’ to work out all the stuff that I’d picked up from my telepathy that day.  I used to have a hard time gettin’ to sleep too sometimes, especially when someone in the house was thinkin’ real hard.  And my mom used to stay up late and drink after my dad had fallen asleep for the night.”  Her voice got quiet, “I didn’t much like listenin’ to her thoughts when she believed I was asleep and couldn’t ‘hear’ them.”  Jesus noticed the forlorn look that had crept onto her face and reached out to pat her hand encouragingly.

She smiled at him in thanks and continued, “I liked stayin’ with Gran most because she didn’t think bad things.  At night, she mostly just thought about what she was plannin’ to do the next day.  She’d go over recipes in her head, and she’d think about who she was gonna visit or what part of the yard she was gonna work on.  And she’d always listen to Beatles records.”  Sookie chuckled, “She’d sing along in her head.  She wasn’t even in tune there―just like me!  When I did have nightmares at her house, she’d always come into my room and sit with me until I fell asleep.  I loved that; it made me feel safe.”

She continued, “My mom would always tell me that my nightmares weren’t real and that I should just ignore them, but they were real to me―very real.  On the other hand, Gran used to tell me the same John Lennon quote over and over again―every time I had a nightmare.  He once said, ‘Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now.’”  Somehow Gran knew that this was what I needed to hear from her; I needed to think of my nightmares as real things before I could battle them.  I had to figure out what they meant and where they were comin’ from.  And now, all I can think about is that quote that Gran used to tell me.”

Finally understanding her point, Jesus nodded and picked up her thought, “Because your dreams and nightmares―the blood dreams―really are real in a way.”

Sookie nodded.  She sat quietly for a few moments, collecting her thoughts.  She knew that once she dove into the dreams, she’d have to face the music, so to speak, but that was the only way she’d ever know the truth about Bill’s and Eric’s motives regarding her.  And she needed to know so that she could figure out if Bill and Eric were telling her the truth now.

Jesus gave her the time she needed to think as he sipped his tea.

After several minutes of silence, she finally spoke, “It’s strange.  I didn’t actually have that many dreams about either Bill or Eric when I had their blood in me.  I had four about Bill after I took his, and then after I had Eric’s blood, I had three dreams.  After I came back from the fairy realm, I had three more blood dreams, but all of those were after I had taken both of their blood again.”

“Hmm,” Jesus looked contemplatively, “That seems to be different than the norm.  Vampires usually use their blood to influence humans to dream more often than you did.  But then again, the book also said that the concentration involved in creating blood dreams can be taxing, so vampires tend to send them only when they need to solidify their control.  Still, according to the book, the dreams are generally sent several times a week.”

“That is strange,” Sookie agreed.  “I honestly don’t know why I didn’t dream more often; maybe they didn’t send them to me much, or maybe because I’m part fairy, it didn’t work as well when they did.  The strangest thing to me is that I’ve dreamed of Eric almost every time I’ve been asleep since the blood was taken away; I didn’t dream of him nearly as often when I had his blood in me.”

Jesus looked thoughtful and then offered, “It makes sense that vampire blood affects you to a lesser degree since you are part fairy.  That may very well explain why you’ve had fewer dreams.  Or maybe Eric and Bill had reasons for not sending them very often.  Of course, after the bond was made between you and Eric―at least according to the book―he couldn’t have sent you any dreams.”

Sookie nodded.  “So altogether, Bill’s sent seven that I know of―three of them quite recently and in close succession, right before I broke the tie.  And I’ve had three about Eric; well Eric was in the last three too along with Bill, but according to what you said, he couldn’t have sent them.”

“Nope,” Jesus said.  “If he was in your dreams after you had the bond, you put him there.”

“Or―as with the case of the last one before I broke the tie and bond―I called him there.”

Jesus nodded.  “But Eric told you he’d only ‘tried’ to send one, if I’m remembering right.”

“Yep,” Sookie confirmed, “at least that’s what he said.”

Jesus asked, “Have you ever felt like Bill or Eric was trying to influence you with their blood while you were awake?”

Sookie thought for a moment.  “I know I felt them both trying to glamour me the first time I met them; I could tell because of a little pressure I felt in my head, but I was able to push them both out.”

Sookie steeled her resolve.  She knew it was time to start telling herself some cold, hard truths now.   She continued, “As for after I took vampire blood, I think that Bill did influence me, at least to some extent.  I told him about my telepathy and about other private things right after I’d taken blood from him.  I remember feeling like I needed to tell him―had to trust him―with those things, but I thought at the time that I was just falling in love with him and wanted to share my life with him.”

“Is that what you still think?”

Sookie shook her head, “No, now that all the lights are turned on, so to speak, I realize that there was a kind of force pushing me to tell him things.  I didn’t feel that force in my head though, so I didn’t recognize it as Bill’s influence at the time.”

Sookie lowered her head and continued, “And there were other times too that I seemed to do things out of character, right after getting doses of Bill’s blood.  Forgiving him so quickly for hiding the fact that he made Jessica was out of character, but after I took his blood following the Maenad attack, I forgave him―almost instantly.  Havin’ sex with Bill after he nearly drained me dry and after I’d broken up with him was out of character, but he’d just healed me with his blood.  Wantin’ to get back together with Bill even after he told me he’d killed Eric was way out of character, but I’d just had his blood yet again.  And forgiving Bill completely for his deceptions and fallin’ in love with him again even after I’d already fallen in love with Eric were also out of character.  But he healed me with his blood after I got shot by the witches.”

Sookie looked at Jesus, tears filling the corners of her eyes.  “If he was using his blood to push me to do these things, then he’s been doing it all along, and he didn’t stop even after he said he loved me.”

She shook her head as if taking herself out of a fog,  “I can’t be 100% sure though.  All the things I did could also be explained if I really did love him too, couldn’t they?”

“Maybe.”  Jesus looked at Sookie with sympathy and gave her a few moments to gather herself.  “What about Eric?  Did you ever feel him try to influence you?”

Sookie snorted.  “Influence me?  Sure.  He tried to get me to have ‘passionate, primal sex’ with him when I was still engaged to Bill.”  Sookie used air quotes to mark Eric’s exact words even as she imitated his voice.  “But if you are asking if I ever felt pushed like with Bill, then the answer is no.  Never.”

Jesus sighed, “Listen, Sook, I’ll keep looking for more information about fairies and vampires mixing, as well as the blood glamour vampires can use.  But for now, let’s just get back to the dreams that you have had.  Maybe they can at least tell us something about Bill’s and/or Eric’s motives in making the ties.”

“Okay,” Sookie agreed, taking a big gulp of her iced tea before she started.  “I’m actually a little nervous about telling you all this.  The dreams get a bit―umm―intimate at times.”

Jesus laughed, “Sookie, I’m sure I saw and experienced stuff that you cannot even imagine during my younger years, so speak freely. I promise that what you say will be between us.  I won’t even tell Laf that we had this particular conversation.”

“Thanks,” Sookie said gratefully even as she kept her shields up tight in order to avoid glimpses of Jesus’s ‘younger days’.  She took a deep breath and launched in.  “Okay, the first dream I had about Bill was the night I first took his blood.”

“So it was basically right after it happened?” Jesus clarified.

“Yeah, that same night.  I dreamed that I was woken up from my sleep, and when I looked out the window, Bill was standing there looking up at me.”

“Were you scared of him at all?” Jesus asked.

“No,” Sookie answered gauging her words and feelings carefully.  “I think I was excited to see him, and I was a―umm―virgin at the time, so I was thinking that he might be there to, you know . . .” she paused as Jesus nodded his head.

“Anyway,” Sookie continued, “I grabbed my robe and went down to the yard where he was, but I didn’t see him at first.  I turned around and around, but he wasn’t there.  And then, suddenly he was,” Sookie let out an unconscious shudder; Jesus took note but didn’t interrupt.

“And then Bill looked at me like―well―he looked at me like he wanted to have sex,” she blushed, “and I said that I wasn’t expectin’ to have sex with him―at least not that soon.”

Jesus nodded for her to continue.

“Well, then he said something like, ‘Who said anything about sex?’, and then his fangs dropped down, and he licked his tongue across them, and then I woke up,” Sookie finished quickly.

“And you were scared then?” Jesus asked.

“Yeah, I was,” Sookie admitted.  “Scared, but also―um―aroused, I guess.”

“Well,” Jesus said, “if you want my honest opinion, that sounds like the first kind of dream that I described.  It seems to have been about stirring up both lust and fear in you.  The fact that he sneaked up on you like that also seems like an important detail to me.”

Sookie nodded, “The second dream I had was nicer though.  Not long before I had that dream, I had broken things off with Bill because I’d met three really bad vampires in his home when I’d gone over there to give him the numbers of some contractors I was helping him get in touch with.  I had thought he was going to let them bite me!”

“What happened?” Jesus asked, not having heard this story before.

“Well, they sort of surrounded me while Bill just sat off to the side in the shadows, but right as they were about to bite, he stopped them, and said that I was his.  After that, one of them offered to let Bill bite this human they had with them, and Bill was gonna do it.”  Sookie shuddered at the memory.  “It was really creepy that he’d bite the guy right in front of me; he looked like he wanted to resist bitin’ him, but he was still gonna do it.  That’s when I heard the guy―his name was Jerry― think about having Hepatitis D, and after I warned Bill, Jerry attacked me.  It took all Bill had to make the other vampires leave without questionin’ me more about how I knew about the Hep D.  The female vampire that was with them, Diane, was especially nasty, and she said that she and Bill had had some kind of sexual thing in the past.  After that, I broke up with him; I was just so unsure about him at that moment.”

“So you’d broken things off with him before you had your second dream?”

“Yeah,” Sookie said, looking down.  “You think when I had the dreams is just as important as what I dreamed, don’t you?”

Jesus nodded, “The timing seems a bit too convenient for me, Sook.  Knowing that vampires can actually send the dreams, I’m guessing that is just what he did once he knew that you were doubting him.”

“Yeah, maybe.  But I didn’t think about it at the time.”

“What happened in the dream?”

“Well, I went to Bill’s house, and I just told him straight up that I was a virgin, and I thought it would be best if we just had sex right then and there so that I could get a good night’s sleep.”

Jesus laughed.

“And so he got up and came over to where I was standin’.  He was being really tender with me, and he started kissin’ me on the neck.  I told him I didn’t want to be bitten, and he just smiled at me and continued kissing me, but then I heard his fangs click down, and then I woke up.  Actually, I think my cat might have woken me.”

Jesus sat silently for a minute.  “What did you feel like when you woke up?”

“Well, to be honest, my hand was kind of . . .” Sookie paused, “down there.”  She gestured shyly toward her crotch.  “I was definitely―um―enjoyin’ myself,” Sookie continued as she became flushed.

“But you heard his fangs click down after you told him not to bite?”

“Yeah, but I woke up so fast after that, that I didn’t really have a chance to know if he was gonna bite; a vampire’s fangs always come down during sex,” Sookie said confidently, but then she stopped herself.  “Wait, that’s not true.  Eric’s never came down when we―um―did it.”  Sookie shook her head in confusion, “Maybe because he’s older or somethin’?  Bill’s fangs always came down during sex.”  Sookie’s blush, by this time, had become permanent.

“What about the third dream you had about him?”

Sookie launched in, having just talked about this one with Dream Eric the day before.  “I dreamed it was morning time, and Bill had made me a huge breakfast.  Once I sat down with him to start eatin’, I realized that the sunlight was pouring in and asked him how he could possibly be out in the daytime.  After that, he started to burn, and then I woke up right after.”

“Well, that definitely sounds disturbing.”

“It was,” Sookie agreed, “but there was not really lust involved in that dream, mostly just fear that he was gonna burn and then sadness when he did.”

“Okay,” Jesus said, “what about dream number four?”

Sookie brought her legs up to her chest in a gesture designed to comfort herself.  Jesus couldn’t help but notice her action.

He reached out his hand to her knee, “It’s okay, Sook.  I’m the only one here.”

Sookie nodded.  “It’s just that this one wasn’t good.  I had it the night before I left for Dallas with Bill.  We were going because I had been hired by Eric to find a vampire, who turned out to be Eric’s maker, Godric.  Anyway, it was right after the Maenad attack on me when Bill had given me some of his blood.”

Jesus spoke up, “Yeah, you mentioned that before.  Laf told me about the Maenad too.  I just didn’t know that she’d attacked you like that.”

“Yeah, she was an evil bitch,” Sookie said without charity.  “She attacked me after Bill and I had had a fight, and Bill took me to Fangtasia for help.  Eric arranged for a strange little doctor to come, and she was able to get the poison out.  Then Bill gave me his blood to finish the healin’.”

Jesus nodded, “Is that when you found Laf in the basement?”

Sookie nodded, “Yeah, the next day after I’d woken up.  He had been hurt pretty bad by then,” Sookie said quietly.  “Ginger, their human employee, had shot him when he tried to get away, and I’m pretty sure the vampires had been feedin’ on him.”

Jesus sighed, “I’m so glad he lived through that.  It’s kind of hard for me to reconcile the vampire that did that to the Eric I know now.”

Sookie nodded and sighed deeply, “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

Jesus brightened a bit, “Lafayette says that he has moved on and that now he thinks of Eric as just―and I quote―‘a bad mother fucker that he’s got to avoid getting on the bad side of.’  But he actually called him ‘not so bad’ yesterday.  Of course, he was probably high on his Bubba euphoria then, but it’s something.  Anyway, from what I’ve heard before, V dealers are usually killed immediately when they are found.”

“Yeah,” Sookie said solemnly.  “I know that the rules are different for Supes, but I still don’t like to think of anyone going through what Lafayette did.”

Jesus nodded again, “Me neither.”

Sookie sighed and continued, “Like I said, the dream happened right after that night at Fangtasia; it was the day before we were leaving for Dallas, and I could tell that Bill was upset that I’d agreed to help Eric in exchange for Lafayette’s freedom.”

“What happened?”

“Well, a couple of weeks before I had that dream, those three vampires that had been at Bill’s that I told you about had been killed.  Some vampire haters burned down the place where they were staying in the day time, and four bodies were found.  I had been scared that Bill had died with them, but he turned out to be okay.  Anyway, the dream started with me trapped with those vampires.  And Bill was sitting off to one side, just like he’d been the night I actually met them.”

Jesus encouraged Sookie to continue by squeezing her knee since he could sense her reluctance.

“I begged Bill to stop them in my dream, but he didn’t, and then Diane bit me while Bill just watched.  He finally got up and came over, taking me from them.  He told me that I was his and that he loved me.  He said he’d always do what was best for me, and then he started to undress me even though the three other vampires were still there.”  Sookie sobbed a bit.  “The worst part was that I kissed him back as soon as he started kissing me, and he was about to―um―have sex with me with them there, and I wasn’t stoppin’ him.”  Sookie looked away, ashamed.  “But then in the dream, it seemed like the house had caught on fire, and Bill told me that the only way we’d be able to survive was if I listened to him.  And then I woke up.”

Jesus again squeezed her knee and gave her a minute to collect herself.  “Sookie, I think it’s pretty clear that your dreams of Bill fall into the first category, except for maybe the third one, which didn’t have an element of sex in it.  Still, that one seems to have elicited fear in you, fear for Bill’s safety, so it still fits the pattern.”

Jesus continued, “But this all makes sense because you told us that he was sent at first to secure you for the queen; his blood was given to you while his motives were still to take you to her, so it makes sense that the dreams would be tainted with that.  Maybe his motives changed as he fell in love with you.”

Sookie sobbed a bit and shook her head, “After the Maenad attack and after the poison was out, he gave me his blood again, so the last dream of him happened right after that.  He had already told me he loved me by then.”

“Oh,” was all Jesus could say for a few minutes.  Then he offered, “Maybe the tie takes on the characteristics of the first transfer of blood and cannot change?”

“Maybe,” Sookie said softly.


 

back forth

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Chapter 35: In a Nightmare

  1. Having Jesus there to bounce things off is helping her face and clarify things , to stop making excuses or excusing behaviours because she maybe wants to believe she hasn’t been so easily deceived , have I mentioned I love Jesus .

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