Chapter 18: Exchange


“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”—Henry David Thoreau

Half an hour later, they were lounging in the tub, Sookie still recovering from Eric’s mission to transform her body into a continuous orgasm machine and the vampire looking extremely pleased with himself even though the large erection currently resting against Sookie’s back had yet to be taken care of.

But he could be patient as she caught her breath from his “work.”

Her fingers were drawing circles around his knees, which were sticking out of the water. In turn, his fingers were playing with the tops of hers hands.

“I can’t believe that in all the times we took baths together after the severing spell that I never felt that thing,” Sookie giggled, wiggling a bit against his cock.

“That thing?” he chuckled. “It has been called many things, but never that.”

“Mmmm, it’s a nice thing,” she said with another giggle.

“Just nice?”

“Naughty?” she teased.

He nipped her neck with his blunt teeth. “Always—when it’s around you.”

“Are you sad?” she asked a few minutes later, as she turned her hands over to embrace his. Their fingers entwined together perfectly.

“Sad about what?” he asked.

“Well—because of the Fae bond, it’ll be difficult for you to have sex with anyone else.”

“Impossible,” he corrected. “And you should be the sad one.”

“Why?” she asked.

He sighed. “Do you want me to be blunt?”

“Yeah,” she responded, suddenly more than a little nervous.

“Then turn around so that I can look at you while we talk.”

Sookie scooted away from him a little before turning around. The tub was so full that she had to be careful so that water didn’t slosh out.

He retook her hands when she was facing him. “You will not like what I’m about to say, Sookie. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

She nodded.

“I am a thousand years old—a little more than that actually. That is more than 365,000 nights.”

Sookie bit her lip, beginning to understand where he was going with this topic.

“I have fed many of those nights, Sookie, and you know that vampires tend to associate food and sex. I’m sure that you can also guess that I have not been one for,” he paused, “monogamy.”

Sookie frowned. “Eric, how can I ever be enough for you?” she asked nervously. “You’ve been with so many!”

“No, Sookie.” He looked a little nervous and raked one of his hands through his damp hair, even as he squeezed her hand with his other. “I’m not explaining this right.” He inhaled deeply, letting the unneeded air fill his lungs before pushing it out in a rush. “I have been with many, but never with one, Sookie. There was never one that I wanted to be with more than a few times. Even Pam and I lost interest in each other soon after I made her, and most of the times we were together involved others anyway. I was with Godric many times over the years, but we were never anything approaching monogamous.”

Sookie reddened again. “Did you—uh—like being with a man? I mean—uh—it’s a little weird thinking of you doing that—not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I just don’t have much experience. And the only gay person I know—well, at least the only one that admits it out loud—is Lafayette. And he likes only guys.”

Eric shrugged. “I have tried about every kind of sex and sexual partner you can imagine, though I have never taken someone who was unwilling. I’ve not had many male partners, for they were generally less satisfying to me. Godric, of course, was the exception because there was love between us. I have not had a male lover in some time. But this is not what I wanted to talk about either.”

“Sorry,” she said. “I—uh—didn’t mean to get you off your train of thought.”

He chuckled. “It’s fine. It’s just that I have tried everything: males and females and some that were quite literally both; people of all sizes and ages; people of all ethnicities and races I have come across; Weres and shifters and demons.” He once again dragged his hand through his hair. “I am happy—anxious even—to have one. One person whose body I will come to know as my own. With you—it has already been better than with the others, not only because I care for you, but because you care for me. But I am only your second—if I am not mistaken. And one day, especially if you become vampire, you may long for others. But the Fae bond will not allow you any more than it will allow me. So I fear that you will be the disappointed one.”

Sookie’s jaw dropped. “You—uh—think I’ll get bored with you?”

He shrugged again. “I have many experiences to contrast with the sex we have had, and those other encounters don’t even compare. Maybe it’s the bond or your blood or your light or just the fact that you are you. I don’t know, and I don’t fucking care anymore. What I do know is that I have wanted you since I met you, and having you has only made that ‘want’ increase.”

She shook her head, still feeling shock. “So I’m nervous because I think I won’t be enough for you because you’ve had a lot of experience. And you’re nervous because you think you won’t be enough for me because I’ve had too little experience?”

He nodded. “Yeah. That about sums it up.”

She shook her head. “We’re quite the pair—you and I.”

He chuckled. “Yeah. That about sums it up,” he repeated.

She smiled. “Usually, I’d let all my insecurities rip me up inside, but I don’t wanna do that anymore, Eric. I wanna be happy with this—with us. Yeah, we were forced into it, but we can’t change that now, and this,” she used her freehand to gesture between them, “makes me happy. And trust me when I say that I don’t think I’ll be getting bored with you any time soon—unless I stop liking orgasms.” Immediately, she blushed at her own words.

He chuckled and then leered at her as he pulled her closer. “Do you want another one?”

“Only if you get one too this time,” she returned shyly.

“I was planning on it,” he said as he slipped his freehand into the water to test her readiness. “You are wet for me, lover,” he purred.

“I’m in the water,” she teased. “Of course, I’m wet.”

He slipped two fingers into her, and she moaned in pleasure. “I do not think this is water, little one.”

He lifted her body and slowly replaced his fingers with something much larger. He eased into her, giving her body time to stretch around him.

“Oh God, Eric! You feel so good!”

“Look at me!” he demanded as her eyes closed and her head lulled backwards. “You feel good too, Sookie,” he said when he captured her eyes. “You feel best. You feel right.”

She leaned forward and kissed him hard, rewarding him for words that made her heart soar.

“I want to exchange while we are like this,” she panted as she broke their kiss.

Eric stopped their movements for a moment. “Are you certain?” he asked. “Blood and sex need never mix with us, Sookie.”

“I want them to, Eric,” she said sincerely, taking his face in both of her hands. “You once told me that everything to a vampire is about blood. And I want you to have everything.”

His lips crashed into hers this time. The water level in the tub was forgotten as Sookie and Eric moved together, neither one of them caring at all that the floor was becoming drenched. Eventually Sookie had to break the kiss in order to breathe. But Eric had no such need, so he kept kissing her cheek and then her neck. She felt her orgasm approaching like a tidal wave and held onto Eric’s shoulders as he increased his upward thrusts so that she wouldn’t be swept away by it.

“Sookie,” Eric groaned, his eyes feral and his fangs fully down for the first time that they’d had sex.

“Yes,” Sookie moaned, using that single word to say so many things. Yes—she commanded, wanting him to keep going so that she’d be struck down by the wave pounding into her. Yes—she celebrated, ecstatic because of the feeling he was stimulating in her. Yes—she answered, confirming her desire to bond with him. Yes—she demanded, ready to take his blood and to feed him her own.

“Yes,” she said again.

Eric growled wildly, but Sookie was not frightened of him. She knew that he wouldn’t hurt her.

And then something clicked inside of her. “He won’t hurt you; he won’t ever hurt you,” a voice inside of her said. It was a strong voice. It was a sure voice. It was her own voice. And it sounded beautiful.

Eric felt Sookie’s joy coming through their tie and celebrated in it. He saw the certainty in her eyes and reveled in it.

She was so fucking beautiful that he wanted to proclaim her as his to the world. However, he had always been more about action than words. He could feel Sookie’s walls beginning to constrict around his cock and knew that her orgasm would not be held off for much longer—despite the fact that he’d been deliberately avoiding the spot inside of her that would have sent her over the edge immediately. He’d wanted to prolong this joining, but he would not be able to hold in his own release once her inner walls were caressing him.

He brought his wrist to his mouth and bit savagely, creating a large wound. Sookie grabbed his hand and immediately put it to her mouth, biting a bit more as she did.

“Yes!” he roared in pleasure as her action stimulated both of their orgasms. He fell forward at the power of his ecstasy and then increased it by biting into her neck.

Eric’s next conscious thought was several minutes later. Given the power of his reaction, he was grateful that his instincts had kicked in at some point. His nose was still against her shoulder, but he’d obviously licked her wound closed and was glad to see that he’d not created larger punctures, given his zeal to have her blood. Already, her wounds were fading because of his own blood, rolling around in her system. No—his blood seemed to be playing in her bloodstream.

Sookie was lying against his chest, her legs still wrapped around him. His cock was still inside of her. He’d never felt more sated after sex. And he’d never felt another’s emotions as he was now feeling Sookie’s. She was happy and tired.

As content as he was.

Eric was thankful that there would be only a three hour and thirty minute drive for her the next day. Thinking of the fact that that drive would make it impossible for him to wake up in her arms the next night, he decided to change their plans a bit.

“Lover,” he said into her hair.

“Mmmm,” she returned sleepily—dreamily.

“It is five hours until dawn.”

“Mmmm,” she said again, this time with a little purr in her voice. “Just give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready again.”

He chuckled. “It is not that, little one. Though I am already anxious to have you again, I think we should gather our belongings and leave as soon as possible. I can drive us to our next destination.”

“You wanna leave here sooner than planned?” she asked a little sadly.

“Only so that I can go to my day-rest with you next to me. I don’t want to awaken without you, and I don’t want to think of you having to sleep in the backseat of the car.”

She was more awake now. “But isn’t it more dangerous for us to travel at night?”

Eric nodded. “Usually, I would agree with you. But we are in one of the more sparsely populated regions of the country, both in terms of humans and supernatural beings.

She sat up a little and groaned with disappointment as he pulled himself from her body. “How far are we from where we’re goin’?”

“We are just going to Roswell. I could have us there in around three hours.”

Sookie smiled a little. “Roswell as in aliens?”

“Yes,” he chuckled.

“Okay,” she said. “But I need to shower really fast.”

“Good idea, lover,” he purred into her ear. The next thing she knew, they were both in the shower, and he was holding her against the tiles as he took her quickly, this time hitting her spot with every stroke. He once more proved he could make her cum in record time before he tenderly set her onto the shower bench and washed her hair and body. Then he bathed himself at vampire speed before drying them both off and applying Octavia’s scent concealment potion to their foreheads.

Sookie felt like she’d been in an “Eric whirlwind” as he gathered their belongings and loaded the car. All that she’d managed to do was get herself dressed and dry the bathroom floor before putting all the towels that they’d used into the washing machine. Eric assured her that he’d already glamoured Mr. Johnson to send the maid he’d hired the next day, so Sookie set the washing machine so that the towels would soak in bleach throughout the rest of the night.

Given that they’d been in the house for fewer than two days, there wasn’t much mess. And with Eric going at vampire speed, the place soon looked like no one had been staying there, except for the fact that the bed was a mess. Sookie gathered the sheets and took them to the laundry room just so that she could feel better about the fact that she was leaving “sex sheets” behind.

A little more than four hours before dawn, Sookie was waiting about two miles away from Eric’s property while he did a last-minute perimeter check as had become his habit when they left a safe house. Sookie also knew that he was searching for any trace of her scent. If his scent was picked up, it would be regrettable, but if hers were found, she knew it would be a disaster for them.

She also had her telepathy stretched out as far as possible. She could sense Mr. Johnson in her range, but he was asleep, and she’d never picked up the thoughts from people’s dreams—thankfully. She was mostly keeping her mind on the void that she knew was Eric. As he got closer, she smiled. After the second exchange, she’d started picking up little things from him—not his feelings exactly, but little flashes of energy that she knew were emanating from him. It was almost like small streaks of light or electricity that she could see in her head and feel in her body.

She smiled as he landed in front of the car. She couldn’t help but to notice the fact that he looked extremely pleased with himself.

“What?” she asked as he got into the driver’s seat and began driving.

“It’s just that I will always remember that house as the one where we had sex for the first time.” He smirked. “And the second time. And the third time. And. . . .”

Before he could continue, Sookie stopped him with a zap of light to the arm.

“Hey!” he grinned. “I’m trying to drive, and that tickled.”

She giggled. “Well—unless you want the business end of my light the next time, you’ll be good.”

“Was I not good, lover?” he purred.

She shook her head, knowing that she’d never “win” a conversation about sex with a thousand-year-old vampire, who seemed to have the sense of humor of a teenaged boy at times. She wondered if any man ever grew out of that and was immediately glad Eric hadn’t.

She yawned.

“You should sleep, little one,” Eric said, his voice softening.

“Don’t you want company?” she asked.

“I have company,” he smiled.

She returned the smile and then pulled their quilt from the backseat of the car, wrapping it around her body. She reclined the seat a bit, and within moments, she was asleep.

The next thing she knew, she was being picked up from the car and carried inside their next “home.” She nestled against Eric’s chest and spoke sleepily.

“We have neighbors this time, but they’re all asleep, except for one that way,” she gestured with her head. Her eyes were still closed. “He just got home from his shift at the Air Force base, but he’s not thinking of aliens,” she giggled a little, “or anything other than taking a shower.”

Eric chuckled and kissed her forehead. “Do you need the bathroom before I settle you into bed, little one?”

She nodded, and he carried her to the en-suite bathroom attached to the master bedroom. “I will be right back,” he said as he unwrapped her from the quilt and left the room. When she was done taking care of her human needs, she left the bathroom and crawled into the bed.

Eric joined her a moment before she fell back to sleep, snuggling up behind her.

“I have placed the perishable foodstuffs into the refrigerator and brought in our bags. There is a note on the nightstand with the codes to this home. I shall see you tonight, lover.”

“Okay,” she mumbled as she nestled into his chest.

Sookie felt half-awake and half-asleep as Eric fell into his day-sleep. The little flickers of electricity she’d been feeling from Eric suddenly went away, and she realized just how much she’d loved them—how much she loved him.

“I love you, Eric,” she mumbled sleepily. She smiled into his chest as she recognized what she’d said. The words sounded good and right. She did love him—despite the fact that the Fae bond had helped to create that emotion. She knew that she should have probably taken more time—after the Bill situation—before she let herself fall in love again, but she couldn’t help herself when she thought about all Eric had done for her and all the talks they’d had. After they’d found out about the Fae bond, she’d been worried that he wouldn’t forgive her, but he hadn’t blamed her. And he seemed to be accepting the Fae bond now.

Sookie felt hopeful that the vampire bond would help Eric to feel better about what they had. She knew that it would make him feel more “equal” in a way. She cuddled closer to him, already missing the little wisps that would become his feelings when they finished the vampire bond.

“I love you,” she repeated a little louder and a little more awake now. She couldn’t help but to wonder what she would feel from Eric—what she would feel him feeling for her. She didn’t think it would be love; after all, he had told her that he was going to try to focus on his own feelings and not those being made by the Fae bond. But she would surely feel his affection for her and—just maybe—something close to love.

Sookie was just about to fall into her sleep next to the man she now knew she loved when a sudden fear struck her. She sat straight up in the bed.

What if she felt something else entirely from Eric? He was—after all—”deep,” just as she’d said in her first dream about him. She knew that he felt care for her; he’d told her that, and she trusted that he’d been telling her the truth. But what if other feelings were dominant? What if his lust for her was his major feeling? She wasn’t naïve; she knew that he lusted for her, and she lusted for him too. But the lust was secondary to Sookie—a bonus. What if it was the other way around for Eric?

“You can live with that,” she said to herself in the dark.

However, an even more devastating thought occurred to Sookie even before she’d finished her sentence. What if she felt resentment from Eric—resentment that he was stuck with the Fae bond and with her. She remembered how he had looked so betrayed and angry after finding out about the bond. What if she felt those things from him? What if she felt his regret and bitterness? What if she felt hatred competing with the care he had for her? After all, he’d told her many times that he didn’t like having feelings. He’d told her that he’d thought about killing her to avoid developing deeper feelings for her. And now that he couldn’t kill her because of the Fae bond, would part of him despise her?

“You can live with it,” she said again into the dark. After all, isn’t that what she already did with the thoughts of the people she cared about? They didn’t always think good things about her; in fact, recently, they’d thought more bad than good—a lot more bad than good. For every protective thought Jason had about her, there had been another one that resented the fact that she’d brought so much trouble to Bon Temps lately. Tara and Lafayette had similar thoughts. And even though she’d never heard Sam as clearly, she’d heard enough to know that he was still upset that she’d picked Bill over him, and the word “fangbanger” had slipped into his thoughts more than once where she was concerned. But she’d learned to take the bad with the good of people’s thoughts over the years. She’d learned to ignore the fact that the people she loved didn’t always have nice things to “think” about her.

At least, she’d tried to ignore it. She shivered and pulled the quilt around her body a little more.

Yes. She’d learned to stoically live with being bombarded by thoughts that used to make her cry into her pillow every night. And she’d learned to build up her shields as much as she could to hide from those thoughts.

But she knew she wouldn’t be able to hide from Eric’s emotions. She shivered again, knowing that he could already feel her emotions for him.

“He must feel that I love him,” she said to herself, the anxiety filling her. She shook her head. He didn’t seem to be mad or upset about her feelings for him, so that was something good. Maybe her love for him felt like simple affection, or maybe he thought that her feelings were all from the Fae bond.

“No,” she breathed in relief, “he won’t be mad at me for loving him.”

However, she knew that he would be angry at himself if he loved her. And with a vampire bond, she’d feel it all. She breathed in and out deeply.

She thought about reconsidering the vampire bond, but looking down at the man she loved, she knew that she wouldn’t do that. It was something that he needed. She thought about the fact that she was meeting with Claudine in a couple of days and wondered if the fairy could help her to develop special shields, like she’d done with her telepathy. If so, there might be a way for her to protect herself from feeling Eric’s emotions.

“Either way, you’ll learn to live with it,” she told herself again, this time with more resolution in her tone.

A/N: Yay! Sookie loves him and admitted it (albeit to herself). But nothing’s ever easy. In admitting her love she also risks “feeling” something different from him once the vampire bond is completed. I don’t envy her position, but don’t worry, she won’t be backing out of finishing the vampire bond w/ him.

I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. Thanks so much for the continued comments and support.



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25 thoughts on “Chapter 18: Exchange

  1. great chapter, insecurities like this are in all of us , but feeling them from you beloved will be much harder then just knowing, she will work through it in time.. ky

  2. I wonder what Eric’s reaction will be when he feels Sookie’s insecurities. Hopefully when the bond is finished she will stop feeling this way.

  3. Great chapter! mostly all positive times for E & S. Sookie’s insecurities are understandable but I hope they do not cause a misunderstanding between them… Perhaps all will be resolved once S feels E’s true feelings for her

  4. They are so adorable, both worrying for the other about their previous sexual experience. That made me smile. Eric is so lovely to her, he really cares. I’m glad Sookie knows she loves him but I was sad to see she still doubts his feelings for her. I think she will be pleasantly surprised when she gets to feel him. I like how she feels his lifeforce as little sparks.

  5. I hope that Sookie talks to Eric about how she’s feeling. I don’t think she will be feeling any negative emotions from him or at least not very often.

  6. Wonderful chapter! I hate that Sookie is doubting her feelings and Eric’s feelings for her. Once the vampire bond is complete I think she’ll feel better about things.

  7. I suspect she’ll feel that Eric loves her as much a she loves him. I love your rational, mature Sookie.

  8. I’m hoping Eric already loves her and I’m so excited about them having the second exchange. I can’t wait for more.

  9. ““Yes,” Sookie moaned, using that single word to say so many things. Yes—she commanded, wanting him to keep going so that she’d be struck down by the wave pounding into her. Yes—she celebrated, ecstatic because of the feeling he was stimulating in her. Yes—she answered, confirming her desire to bond with him. Yes—she demanded, ready to take his blood and to feed him her own.”

    I absolutely LOVED this series of lines. The way that you showed her using that one word to mean so many different things. Just wonderful.

    Like everyone else, I was thrilled for Sookie to realize that she loves Eric and sorry to see her have so much doubt about his feelings. Hopefully, Eric will reassure her when he wakes.

    Finally, you are continuing your streak oh hitting places I’ve spent lots of time. I mentioned in a previous comment that we drive through Ft. Stockton regularly… Well, it’s always on the way to Roswell. That’s where my hubby is from. It’s such a fun quirky little town! I’m sure she won’t be able to because of being on the run and all, but Sookie really ought to go check out downtown. At least see the alien-headed lampposts. 😉

  10. I hope that the Vampire bond will help Sookie find out those feelings are truly her feeling and that Eric feels the same for her…can’t wait for more

  11. Even though Sookie is feeling insecure about Eric’s feelings, she is showing some maturity in trying to work through and deal with it. Looking forward to what happens after they complete the bond. I think she’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that Eric’s feelings aren’t resentful at all.

  12. I love how she’s seriously considering the less-desirable ramifications of completing the bond with him, but how she’s also trusting in herself – and in him – enough to go though with it. Great chapter!

  13. Just had to read this again because it was so excellent the first time, and this time as well. Thinking about Sookie’s little conversation there at the end – love and trust ARE a risk taken when given to another so there is a lesson for her there. As for her, “you can live with it” conclusions, of course she can! It seems that the greatest weapon to use against Sookie is her own self-doubt. Just by ‘sleeping” next to her, Eric has shown proof of his trust. Wanting to do so is proof of love – at least to me – he doesn’t need the warmth, companionship, or anything else that comes from sleeping next to someone; he’s dead! He wants her there with him. Men use more action than words. Think, Sookie, think! Thanks for an excellent chapter, and don’t work too hard!

  14. Re-reading for the umpteenth time. I just love the way your writing flows and deals with the thoughts of each of them and their increasingly intimate interactions, not just sexually but how they just like to be together. Sookie thinking over how she will respond to Eric is so much more mature than what we ever saw in the books or TV show, she is really analyzing not just Eric but herself. This is difficult to do on screen, much easier to do in print, but so important to understand how a character responds. This is a difficult situation in so many ways for a relationship to grow, they only have each other to depend on and talk to, they are fleeing for their lives, they have a binding that they didn’t consciously ask for and don’t fully understand, they are supernatural beings of very different types, mostly natural enemies. I think that Sookie being part fairy was an interesting twist, especially when TB gave her some real power with it. It emphasized her difference from vampires, though they blew it when they brought in Warlow and had her actually have sex with him, made her look loose and unable to think things over. In fact, I was really annoyed by almost everything from the last episode of season four onward with rare exceptions. Fanfiction is much better.

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