Chapter 44: What If . . .

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters in True Blood or the Southern Vampire Mysteries. So neither copyright infringement nor offense is meant. I simply want to make the characters do what I wanted them to do for a while. I am especially “unownerly” when it comes to this story. You will recognize a lot of the dialogue throughout as being quoted from Season 5 of True Blood, though I’ve tried to use Eric’s thoughts to make this story “different” from its source. That said, I claim no ownership to the quoted material and have placed it in bold so that it is set apart from my own words.

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[Context Reminder: Sookie finds out about the contract that “gave” her to Warlow, the vampire who killed her parents. She is staying with the fairies at their club at this point. For the purposes of this story, the fairy club is on the same “plane” as earth. It’s just being concealed with magic. Thus, Eric has no problem “feeling” Sookie while she’s there. This is supported during the last episode of Season 5 when Eric says that Sookie’s fear drew him to the field where he found Russell. Of course, in this story, I’ve “remembered” the bond too.]

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AN HOUR LATER

What if I can’t save her?

That question had been plaguing my mind ever since Russell had left the Authority headquarters.

Our meeting had broken up quickly after his departure, so I was able to return to my room, where I immediately began to pace, trying to figure out how the fuck to get out of the Authority compound that night.

I felt the pull of my bonded in my blood. I felt the need to protect her—to protect the woman I loved.

What if I can’t save her?

I imagined my enemy drawing nearer to her by the minute. I could sense that she was near Bon Temps, but it didn’t feel like she was in her home—which was still officially my home. I was glad that she wasn’t there, for a vampire’s residence would offer her no sanctuary from another vampire. I just hoped that she was smart enough to be in hiding.

Maybe she was with the Were—in his home. I growled with jealousy, but then calmed myself—at least a little. Herveaux could offer Sookie a little protection—after all. I figured that Sookie had likely “cured” him of the glamouring I’d done to him. I imagined that she’d been angry at my “highhandedness.”

I closed my eyes, reminded of the fact that—even if I could end Russell—Sookie wasn’t mine.

“Not mine,” I whispered.

Not mine—and yet mine to save.

What if I can’t save her?

I sighed as the weight of my situation sank in. My “act” was being bought by Bill, Salome, and the others. In fact, I had even been “upgraded” to a better room, one with a sitting area and no surveillance—at least none that I’d been able to find or hear.

Despite my success in proving to be a good little follower of Lilith, I knew that I needed to hurry things along in order to help my bonded. Moreover, I was still reeling from my second loss of Godric. However, I knew that his sacrifice was already bearing fruit. And I speculated that Nora would be coming around soon.

But would it be soon enough?

What if I can’t save her?

My pacing became more frenzied as I began to feel more agitation from Sookie through our bond. She was pensive, scared, angry—so many things all at once. Where was she? Was Russell already nearby? Was she safe? How could I fucking help her when I was still basically imprisoned?

What if I can’t save her?

I felt as if I was losing the battle I was fighting—both to keep calm and to get to my bonded.

What if I can’t save her?

I sighed, closing my eyes again. I felt helpless. I felt despair. I felt these things from the bond and from my own soul. The twin desires to protect and to love my bonded fueled my continued pacing. But the truth that Sookie didn’t want me in the same way threatened to bring me to my knees.

What if I can’t save her?

I growled, imagining Sookie giving her love and her body to Herveaux, even as Russell neared them. However, I would willingly give her up—even to that mongrel—if Sookie would be safe.

What if I can’t save her?

At that moment, Nora came into my room. She looked stricken, and I knew that she was a follower of Lilith no more.

Godric had managed to save her.

Nora’s shame and guilt were apparent as we walked to each other. Our foreheads touched for a moment, and then I lifted my head so that I could kiss where we’d been touching.

It was comforting.

What if I can’t save her?

Nora was grieving for our maker—grieving as much as I’d been grieving right after he’d died the first time. She looked up at me, her brown eyes asking for my comfort—begging for it. My sister needed me, and—in that moment—I wanted to give her comfort.

And to try to steal at little for myself as well.

If I didn’t, I felt that I might be driven mad by my internal disquiet.

What if I can’t save her?

Without words, I took off my shirt and then kissed Nora before pulling her dress over her head. She was naked beneath it.

She was lovely, though so different from my bonded. I missed Sookie’s warm skin. I missed her brown, earthy eyes. I missed her breathlessness when I kissed her.

What if I can’t save her?

Trying to expel my bonded from my mind for the moment, I sat back on the bed, bringing Nora with me. In a flash, my cock had been freed, and I was inside of her.

I felt a sharp pang of guilt. But I didn’t stop fucking. I didn’t want to feel the guilt or the worry that thinking about Sookie brought to me. I needed a moment of simple carnal pleasure.

And Nora needed me.

Simple.

What if I can’t save her?

“Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me,” Nora begged as we rocked against each other.

“Forgive me, Sookie,” my own mind cried out.

Forgive me for not being there to protect you.

Forgive me for not proving that I could be a man that you could love for the rest of your days.

Forgive me for not telling you—before I had amnesia—how much you meant to me.

Forgive me for fucking someone else so that I could try to forget about you—again.

What if I can’t save her?

“What are we going to do?” Nora asked.

I stilled for a moment. I had no idea.

What if I can’t save her?

“I’ll get us out of here,” I promised my sister and myself.

And Sookie.

What if I can’t save her?

Needing that question to stop, I used vampire speed to put Nora’s back onto the bed. And then I began fucking her as I could never fuck a human.

Hard. Fast.

Completely wrong.

Nora cried out in her release, and I slowed my pace before withdrawing from her.

What if I can’t save her?

“Why did you stop?” Nora asked, confused—even as her fingers scaled my back in a soft caress.

“Forgive me,” I said quietly. “I can’t. I need . . . .”

Nora sat up next to me, unashamed of her nudity.

“Your bonded,” she said, her voice hinting at jealousy.

I nodded in affirmation.

“I told no one about your having a bond,” Nora assured. “Not even Salome.”

I nodded again, this time turning to give her a little smile. “Thank you.”

“When you and Compton were gone—did you see her?” she asked.

“Yes. She is moving on—with a Were,” I responded.

“But you cannot?” she asked.

“No,” I sighed. “One night I will be able to—perhaps. When I know that she is safe.”

“I will be there for you on that night,” Nora promised.

I reached out to take her hand. It was the tenderest moment we’d ever shared.

She sighed. “We should get up. General Cavanaugh will be here soon, and Salome wants us all to be at the meeting.”

“Who’s General Cavanaugh?” I asked.

“A government liaison; he worked closely with Roman,” Nora said nervously. “I think there will be trouble, and Salome is so far up Lilith’s ass that she likely won’t be capable of diplomacy.”

I chuckled. “Gods—I missed you,” I said, kissing her forehead before standing up. I threw her dress to her before picking up my discarded shirt.

She sighed. “I missed me too. I don’t know why I,” she paused, “succumbed like that. But when I saw Lilith do what she did to Godric, I . . . .” She stopped midsentence.

I didn’t speak, waiting for her to say what she needed to say.

“Yesterday morning—I stayed up into the day, remembering everything that Godric had ever said to me.” She paused. “Remembering all that he ever did for me. And I realized something very important.”

“What?”

“The vampire he was at the end—he was the same one that we always knew. He was just tired. He made the choice to die because he needed to move on.”

“And he did move on,” I said.

“And—last night—he sacrificed himself. For me,” she said as a tear slipped from her eye.

I nodded. I should have known that she would figure that out. “He wouldn’t want you to feel guilt about that.”

She scoffed and brushed the tear away. “I know. And I don’t. It just made me realize what an ass I’ve been. And how good he truly was.” She shook her head with self-recrimination. “You know I always was ambitious; I had designs to save the world. Well—I know now that part of that was to please Godric. And—when he was gone—I felt . . . .”

“Lost,” I finished for her this time.

“Yes. Salome saw that and took advantage.” Nora sighed heavily. “In truth, I wanted to be taken advantage of—wanted to latch onto something that would take away my pain.” She looked up at me curiously. “Is that why you did it? Why you bonded? Were you trying to escape the grief?”

I shook my head. “No. That’s not why.”

She looked at me and nodded. And—again—I saw a tiny flash of jealousy in her eyes. She quickly banished that look, obviously apologetic that she’d ever had it.

“Do not look to me to replace what you’ve lost,” I said in a whisper. “You know how we are when we are together for too long.”

“I know. Tonight, I just needed you.”

“I understand. And I will always love you,” I told her.

“I know you will. I feel the same.”

“So,” I said, changing the subject, “this general. Is he reasonable?”

“Yes. However, he is also good at detecting bullshit.”

“Well—there’s enough of that in this building to fill a fucking football stadium.”

We were quiet for a moment as we finished dressing.

“I know how to get us out of here,” I said as a plan formed in my head.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“It would be best if you were genuinely surprised,” I winked. “Just follow my lead.”

“Tell me,” she insisted.

“No.”

“Tell me!” she repeated petulantly, her lips moving into their patented pout.

“Just be patient,” I smirked.

Nora looked at me through narrowed eyes. “You always were an asshole,” she intoned.

I chuckled. It really did feel nice to have my sister back.

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A/N: I gotta say that this second sex scene w/ Nora was more difficult to bear for me than the first. It made my Eric/Sookie shipper heart ache. However, I could also understand that both Eric and Nora were looking for comfort following the situation with Godric. And I’m adding the element that Eric is worrying for Sookie too-which I think he would be, given that Russell is obviously going after her.  (I mean, just think about his face at the end of the last chapter!) And-once out of the Authority-Eric clearly goes toward Bon Temps instead of trying to run away. This is significant b/c Eric and Nora both know that they will be pursued. So-yeah-I’m working with what I was given, but it was difficult to write. Hopefully, my inclusion of what I think Eric’s thoughts should have been made this scene more tolerable for you too.  And NO MORE sex with Nora.  Yeah!

Kat

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